not so good.

my grandpa had gotten weak since last night.

he had problem sitting up on the couch.

she was going to take him to the va hospital.

im worried.

i should be home, now, or in the hospital, with her.

but i'm not.

i'm here, sitting on my bed, legs crossed at the ankle, wanting to be home.

the old man, he's a tough one.

love the man.

dammit.

on to different things, please?

ok.

i thought i saw nikki today. nikki was this kick ass girl i knew when she was... 8.

yes, 8 year olds can be kick ass.

i was about 14 or so.

she was on my dad's softball team when he used to coach. she was a cute little kid, made me laugh, got so she wasnt afraid of making fun of me or pushing me around. saw her as a younger sister.

but then, after a few years of knowing her, separation occured.

so when i thought i saw her, today, in the parking lot, i was all hot damn! and drove down the aisle she was going in to get to her car. missed her though.

and ben? i mentioned him the other day here. ben worked with me a little bit at subway. near the end of my rule there.

he was an odd crazy fellow.

we'd be working customers together, he'd be at the register, i'd be making the sub, he'd repeatedly apologize to the customer for my lack of skill, go "and, crayon, why are you being so horrible tonight?" "because i'm worthless!" "that's right!"

yeah, i know, sounds bad, but we had a whole routine worked down by the end. got the customers involved, laughing.

we kicked food service ass.

and we had some good conversations in the back room. i swear to you we talked about quantum physics.

do you know how odd it is to sit down and core onions while discussing various books we had read concerning black holes and theory of relativity and such? and then have a conversation about miles davis and drugs and canada.

damn good man.

he's the reason i left subway.

he had another job, wanted me to tag along, get paid more, stick with him.

i told him i'd think about it.

one night, out of the blue, i'm sweeping up the floor he comes barging in, says "if you start work tomorrow i can pay you somesuch more then whatever they're paying you now."

which, he knew, was my weak spot, because although i loved the customers, the managers were stiffing me a big one. when i started working there they told me in two weeks i would get a fifty cent raise.

it took them a month to give me a quarter more.

i was stuck there for the other months i remained.

yeah, i know. im not aggressive.

so i followed ben. ben then promptly got another job and i was fired.

heh.

we fell out of touch.

then, yesterday, i was taking the sister around and ran into him at another job.

the man, i love him as a brother, he cant keep himself at one job, i swear.

but, yeah, found out he's moving himself to st. louis. crazy cat. he got to meet my sister.

went back and saw him today, returned a book he let me borrow, gave him my email address.

the end.

i should take dancing lessons. if i could just walk up and take you into my arms and float across the room with you, i'd be unstoppable.

heh. man, am i full of myself.

but, no, that's what i need to learn to do. dance. and fly planes. and perform major heart surgery. and not to feel really odd holding a newborn.

tomorrow morning i shall call back home for the grandpa.