was my sisters birthday.

she would have been 17.

i dont want to talk about it.

i wont talk about it.

maybe one day ill explain everything. maybe not.

just... happy birthday, kate. where ever you are now.

how do you transition from that into something a little more upbeat eh.

story time perhaps:

when i was about five and the sisters were... younger then me.. they woke me up late at night. what they did was run into my room and said they were scared.

so me being the oldest said alright, you can stay in the room with me for a while. but be quiet, cause i have to sleep.

i didnt have to sleep. its not like i had an important five year old business date the next morning.

i just enjoy sleep. always have, always will.

so they're on my bed and im under the covers and theyre looking outside and all of a sudden kate (she was always the trouble maker) goes "i see something!"

im all "its dark, youre a story above the ground, you see nothing. sleep."

"no, i see an elf!"

"you do not"

and so the youngest sister joins in:

"yes! i see it too!"

"oh no!"

and theyre really getting freaked out. so i think hey, go ahead, check it out.

so i roll over and sit on my knees and look out the window.

oh, yeah, at that time my bed was right under my window. i enjoyed looking at the moon.

and i see nothing. so i continue to sit in front of the window on the bed.

kate:

"get down! he sees you!"

"where?"

"there! by the fence!"

"where?"

"GET DOWN! HE'S WALKING TO THE HOUSE!"

and she pulls me down and more or less sits on me so i wont sit back up.

i got no sleep that night.

and. yeah. ive been checkin. you people actually read this.

suckers.