I think I'm going to be okay, though. I think this will be the year that defines me. That makes me. That shows me God and gives me a solid path to follow.

There's this person in me I think I can be, that I see sometimes quickly in the mirror before I fully look at myself. Someone stronger and nicer and happier.

Not to say I haven't and wasn't happy. I was. Things were home and there was something just nice about falling asleep next to her as she did homework on the bed.

But it's done. I know that now. There are things I'm keeping to myself, and things I will always keep.

There are reminders of her everywhere. I have things I need to give her, accounts I need to clean her out of. I don't think I can do this again, if I can believe again just to have the wind knocked out of me.

I say that, and I know how much of it is not true and how much of it is. I know, next time, things will be different and slower and lines more clearly drawn.