2005-10-15 - 9:13 p.m. Fake part two. The house is empty, quiet. The blinds are down, closed. I walk from the living room to the kitchen. From the kitchen out to my bedroom. I do not want to sit. I walk back to the living room. Turn the t.v. on. Turn it back off. Back in the kitchen I open cabinet doors. There is food, but there is nothing to eat. The milk is expired. The first slice of wheat bread I pull out is moldy. I go into the bathroom and pull out an old toothbrush. On my knees I begin to clean the grout. I use a spray bottle to wet the tiles. Sprinkle Comet. Brush. Wipe dry. I get about three square feet done before the phone rings. �Hello,� I say. �Is there any way you can come into work tonight? Mary called out,� Jack says. �What time?� �About three. You�ll be there?� �Yes,� I say. �Thanks.� I put the cleaning supplies up. Three o�clock is two hours away. I have time to take a shower, possibly eat. I need to eat. I turn the water on, undress, step in. It is cold, at first, but heats up slowly. When she found out I shower in the dark she thought it meant I didn�t like my body. That is not it. �Then what is it?� �You�re suspended.� I told her of how it felt to know where exactly everything is, the shampoo, the soap, the shower stall door handle. You just move, knowing, with the water coming down. You could be anywhere. �The odd thing is,� I told her, �I find myself closing my eyes.� previous - next