2004-12-10 - 12:20 a.m. i feel sad. her reasons for not being here? a) it would be awkward to be here with my parents. b) she had to study, and i would probably be asleep all weekend. c) i didn't ask her to come here. and so now d) i am sad. all my life i've struggled with not feeling good enough or deserving enough. it wasn't life or death surgery. nothing big, i guess. but i thought she'd be here. because i'm important and she would like to make sure everything's okay, right? and she said "you're the one always telling me to put school ahead of you." and yes, i am. it just feels like i wasn't worth coming here. i left work for her. drove to birmingham when she went crazy. i know this shouldn't be a balancing competition. it shouldn't be i did this for you, do that for me. it shouldn't. so i apologize about this week. i apologize for snapping at her, for not being able to really talk to her, for whatever she wants to take the apology for. she doesnt say "oh, crayon, you had surgery, don't worry about anything." she says "it's okay." so i am sad. previous - next