11-29-04 - 9:24 p.m. i caught her smell on my jacket as i was driving today. it's not fierce, not overwhemlming, the way i feel for her. i get angry with her, she gets frustrated with me. it's not perfect. sometimes it's not even pretty (which is hard, what with my pretty-face). but there's a certain feeling of settlement when i'm with her. is it home? i don't know. i can see an idea of home when i'm with her. i can see picking out kitchen tables with her, i can see us getting a dog together (and that's when you know i'm serious), i can see splitting holidays between families. there are little things. the way she knows when to scratch my back, for one. the way she'll catch me looking at her, turn her head just so and smile, so embarrassed. do i love her? yeah. would i tackle a man a hundred pounds heavier than me for her? yeah. when are you ever sure, though? does there always feel as if something small, grain of sand on a gear track like, there to interrupt the flow? i don't know. i know she's not as close to me as you are. and i know she doesn't it complete that part of me that you do. previous - next