it was room raiders.

there were three guys in the van, and man, as fed up as i got, i did learn a lot from these guys.

they were, you know, real men, with large endowments (and we ain't just talking money given to them for their arts) and you could tell they were real men because of how everything they said hinted, not so subtly, at how well they could perform.

not perform clog dancing. we could only wish. but no, perform, sexually.

it would be things like the girl would say "blahblahblah" and a guy would say "i could blahblahblah you!"

and he receive hoots and hollers from the two other guys.

feeling as if these real men, these hormone driven perfect specimens (they had to be, yo, they were on mtv!) i decided to use their approach on my girlfriend.

she said, "i need to study chemistry."

and i said, "i'll study you!"

she just looked at me.

she said, "can you look up the percent dissociation of HCl in NaOH?"

and i said, "i'll percent dissociate you!"

sadly, i am now single.

okay, no, i'm not single.