i got a feeling i'll be posting routinely today.

sometime tonight or early tomorrow morning i'm heading out with a friend for a weekend trip. i had forgotten it was memorial weekend. combine this with my strong discomfort to be in a crowd should make a nice design for an interesting weekend.

it'll, at the least, be distracting.

hey, want to see how much of a fool i am? okay!

i thought, maybe, kim would remember it was my birthday this week. nope, had no idea.

also, yes, i called her on her birthday, wished her a good one. i am a) stupid, b) a push over, and c) with a head ache.

yep. got a head ache.

i had a dream last night i was kind of in a video game involving me and some other people trying to get through a building that was filled with haunted/possessed things/people/animals.

i walked in, and i had this short sword, kind of like a long dagger, and this woman i was with ran on down the hall, while i was stopped at the first door that we came past.

she yelled, "come on!"

and went around the corner. she wanted to go right for the big cause of the problem, she wanted to go head first.

i wanted to handle all the little problems along the way, just in case the doors opened and not only did we have to face the big demon, but also all these little things, too.

so i'm at this first door and i look under it (there was space between the floor and the door itself) and there was this rabid dog in it, throwing himself against the door.

i slid my dagger under there, figuring i could cut it's leg or something.

but i couldn't do it. it was a dog. i can't kill animals, especially a dog, possessed or rabid included.

but it looked like the dog was missing half of it's front leg. so i got closer to the door, and then i realized the dog was just bluffing, and he hurled himself again, busted open the door and attacked me.

i was on my back, the dog was biting me, the girl was finally running back to help me.

i slit the dog's throat.

and it really made me sad. i knew i had to, i knew it would kill me if i didn't, i knew it wasn't a good dog, but still, it made me sad.

so then i get up and start walking, and come to the next door. the girl had thrown it opened and was in it, trying to rescue some people, but i knew it was a magic trick, there was an evil music woman in it creating everything, and i tried to tell her, but it didn't work.

and after this point my dream breaks up and there was some flying and then there was something in a grocery store (i have grocery store dreams often) and then i finally woke up.

and then i had today.

and then and then and then and then.

and now it is my birthday.

and now i am going to go to sleep soon.

i want to stop fucking up so much. that's my resolution for my new age. to stop fucking up so much.

i'm going to get some tattoos, if i ever feel like spending money on it, i'm going to get a tattoo that, perhaps, says fool. so i'm reminded that that is what my basic genetic make up is.

fool. with a positive rhesus factor.

i'm thinking of getting it tattooed across my wrist, but that's still in the planning stages.

i know i'll get a tattoo of grover before i leave because i won't take grover with me.

i already have a green star (shut up, i got it years before it was a trend, and it actually has some meaning to me), so i'm thinking of also getting some more stars (with their own meaning, too).

maybe some hearts and clovers to complete the lucky charms experience.

fuck, what a way to start off a birthday, all bitter and what not.