it comes in waves, those feelings that drown you where you stand.

she doesn't even if to be around for it to happen these days. you'll be outside, walking from your car to your front door, with the moon full above you, haloing the clouds, lighting your sidewalk.

you still smile at that, walking up the sidewalk. it's yours. you own it, through and thanks to the bank. but it's yours.

and you're walking up that cement and you stop, looking at the garden she has grown around the porch, the tulips and poppies, her favorite flowers and the ones your mom gave her as a house warming gift four years ago.

and that emotion, it comes, and it hits your stomach. you can't explain it, you can't describe it, other than it warms you and it's because of her.

and you dont tell her about these waves. you don't tell her how sometimes, at night, when you two are watching tv together, it becomes hard for you to breathe because you realize that it's real. she's there, next to you.

she's there, laughing. and so god damn beautiful that it seems a crime she's with someone as awkwardly looking as you.

but there you two are, together, and in the middle of a grocery store.

she drug you there, early saturday morning, before you would normally wake up, given your own free choice.

and she leads the cart you push.

and as she picks up the grapes, turning them toward the light, making sure they're good enough for you (because she doesn't like grapes, and you never imagined loving someone who didn't like grapes, but there she is), all you can think, and feel, in that moment, is that emotion, that wave.

she looks up at you, smiles.