i had ear plugs because, for a while, i shared my bedroom with a snorer.

i've taken to employing my ear plugs again because the neighbors above me insist on listening to the television loud enough so i can hear it and sometimes the people fifty feet away in another building insist on playing their music loud enough i can hear it.

i live in a neighborhood of people who just like to share, yall.

but i dont like of the sharingness.

so i put in my ear plugs and sleep a little.

and sometimes, like today, ill get a phone call. and sometimes, like usual, when im awaken by a phone call it's really obvious because my speech is more slurred than normal.

however, today i woke up and half my face was numb because the thread connecting my ear plugs had cut across my face and part of my lip.

so i wake up, almost completely out of it, remove only one ear plug, put the phone to the ear that still has the plug in it and then everything comes together.

i realize a) i'm stupid because of sleep, b) my face is half numb, c) i put the phone in the ear that is, more or less, deaf. and so i start thinking "what a dumbass" and start getting a bit freaked out that my dad will begin talking and i'll just start mumbling because i can't hear and i can't speak and he'll think i'm dying and so the ambulance will come and find me in bed, almost naked, with a line on my face, mumbling into a phone that no one else is on.

so i quickly change ears and go "HEEEELLLLOO!" like i had meant to do that all along.

i believe i fooled my dad.