keep on keeping on little mister skunks.

i fell asleep reading on the couch tonight. once, when i woke up, the first thing that came to my mind was that emily, at one point in time, actually dated me.

and in my foggy, half awake, rolling off the couch stupor it just kind of hit me in the gut.

i think i've lost her.

and im starting to feel it.

her best friend called me last night to try to get together with me this coming up weekend. i was at work and didn't get the message until late, so i waited until mid afternoon to call her back.

early in the morning, at a time that should be outlawed unless you're a farmer or just crazy, i was driving and thinking of what i would tell her best friend this weekend.

i thought, this morning, that her and i share emily, in a way. i call and have to let emily go because her best friend calls.

this winter emily's time was split between her and me.

and as much as we share emily, as much as we both care deeply for her and emily cares for us, i'm the one who will eventually slip away.

i'm the one who comes in a distant second, if not a fifth.

she's the best friend. i can't compete with that.

even though, yes, i know it's not a competition.

it's just a reminder, though, that i'm just a friend.

and i might lose that, too.

before i began writing this i was talking to emily. but then her best friend called. so i had to let her go.

emily doesn't think i'm a jealous person.

and normally i'm not. i just know i'm not anywhere close to best friend level.