last night was a mix of three different dreams, i think.

one was me being a spy and jumping off of building roof tops.

one was of me in subway getting horrible horrible service.

and the other involved emily.

they all tied in together, all worked out in some sort of linear progression, but i think it's still three separate dreams with emily popping up in all of them.

at one point i had made emily mad and so she sent me an email of a quiz or something she had taken wherein it listed all these good qualities she had. and i read and agreed with all of them.

and then i scrolled down a bit further and it talked about her partner, how her partner was and such.

and i was her partner.

and it had all these bad things listed.

i was talking to her as i was reading and she said see, this is why, and i read about how i was this and that and how she needed to get away from me as soon as possible and i thought... this is right.

i felt sad. because i wasn't good enough, like i had always thought, and now she had finally realized she could do better.

but in her voice i heard this weariness, this kind of... belief that we could work pass it if i would only trust her.

and forget about the bad stuff.

two nights ago, the first dream i had with emily, she was getting married.

but not to me. and not to anyone else i ever saw or heard about.

it was more like it was just something she had to do, a situation she had to go through to make other people happy or fulfill some requirements to move on with her life.

later, after the wedding, in my dream, i tried putting the moves on her. we were in my bedroom in my house, in a house i dont know of yet, and i was hugging her and asking her to stay with me, to lay on my bed with me and watch tv.

and she was tempted.

but resisted.

in my dreams i get to kiss her and touch her.

at least i get that eh.