yeah.

i've been having a difficult week for a lot of reasons and i've been wanting to call emily to calm me down and make me reconsider quitting and how frustrated i am with a lot of people, with myself, with this god damn biopsy that's coming next friday.

and so i got angry today and called her house because i just needed to talk to her, just needed to hear her tell me it'd be okay, im not flipping out or over reacting.

and i didnt expect them to be home yet, because she said she'd call when she got in and it's a 12 hour drive so i thought, okay, no call last night, then that means she's not home today at 3 in the afternoon.

her sister picked up.

i can't find emily.

she's out with other people.

and so i have no idea what to do tonight. i can't figure out if there's a point for me driving sixty minutes or not.

i can't figure out why she hasn't called just to say hey.

i know she's distracted with the people she's around right now and im sure she has more than damn good reasons why she hasnt called, but it hurts a little.

because i just need.

and it's pathetic and weak of me to need.

so now my night's free.

and i dont know what to do or where to go.

i've got other friends in town who might get in touch with me.

i've got the idea of driving to the beach 9 hours away and watching the sun rise over the ocean.

or maybe ill just drive that one hour and sit on my car in a park somewhere.