i don't want to, and i have my reasons.

but she yells at me. gets frustrated and worries.

the symptoms run down like this, depending on who you ask:

a) i've been incredibly tired recently. this could be because i do a hell of a lot of shit. emily thinks otherwise.

b) i've been losing weight. right now i weigh less than i did when i started 12th grade all those years ago. i think this might just be because i was dirt poor for a bit. however, it doesn't explain the recent weight loss of something like 5 pounds.

c) i'm incredibly hungry all the time. yesterday i ate: 3 pancakes, 2 hashbrowns, 2, yes TWO, pizzas, and a 7 layer burrito. and the only thing stopping me from going out and getting more was that it was late. today i've cut back. i've only had 2 pizzas.

d) i've had headaches. slight headaches i could just attribute to caffiene withdrawl or something along those lines.

e) the thing that worries her the most. and me, if i am to be honest. i've got this white thing, white tissue, white something at the back of my throat. on what i guess is called the tonsil.

im pretty sure all this adds up to nothing, but today i slept 14 or so hours straight.

and i ate two pizzas.

and i'm still hungry.

and emily is really worried about me.

so tomorrow i try going to a doctor, as much as i dont want to, as much as i'm wary about it.

but i dont want her worried about anything with me.

and on the phone tonight she told me "i'm afraid that you won't tell me when you're sick because you'll think it's nothing and then you won't go to the doctor and then you'll die. and we can't have that."