she said, "so that's what it looks like."

and i said "what?"

and she said "bedroom eyes. i've never seen them before."

and i laughed. i said "i have bedroom eyes?"

and she said "right now you do."

and i said "describe them."

and she said "they're hooded... and bedroom eyed..."

and i laughed again.

there were things about me she'd spotted that no one else had seen or mentioned, and there were things about her i think i might have been the first one to stumble across.

it's been three months since i've seen her. three months. longer than the time we went out together.

and yet i'm still thinking about her. still thinking about coming home to her late at night after work, after standing outside in thirty degree weather as it rains and the wind blows, standing trying to put trash in an already overfilled dumpster.

thinking about coming home, cold and wet and complainy, but coming home to her.

and joining her in a warm bed and laughing against her skin and feeling her nails.

and man, i want that.

and tonight we talked and i mentioned how it's been a long time since either of us have gotten any and how i missed it.

but, just to let you know, i didnt say it that way. not that crass or anything.

and she said yeah, but that i could go out and find someone to have a casual relationship with.

and i said no, it wouldnt be worth it.

and i asked her, i said "what about you, why don't you get into a relationship?"

and she said "it wouldn't be fair to them."

and i said "why not?"

and she said "just because. it wouldnt."

and i hope shes saying that because she means she still likes me too much, that they would be compared to me and fail, that she's still in love with me.

but i think she means because she'll leave for the summer and come back here.

but i can hope, as stupid and as silly as it may be.

and i can think maybe that one day i'll have bedroom eyes again and she'll rest her chin on me and i wont freak out, like i never freaked out with her, and yeah.

god damn but i am a sap.