i've got cuts all over my hands and arms from working there.

i bled on one thing, slightly, so it will have the stain of me on it until it burns away or is used to kill someone and i get charged with the murder because my dna is on the weapon.

today and tomorrow are kind of trial days.

tonight went pretty well. i got to stay in the one section of the building i feel most comfortable with.

i'm already kind of making plans for it. knowing what i need to do to make it run smoother, where i need to put supplies.

haven't yet managed to talk to the owner of the company, though i've seen her twice.

have talked to a few other people, though, connections for later on, i suppose you could say.

i'm a little on the sick side. been told i need to go to the doctor. been told by emily and my parents i need to take medicine.

i feel okay, though. well, not okay, but i'm not dead.

still miss emily a hell of a lot. still wish she was with me or i was with her.

she got sick at one point this week, really sick, vomitting and everything, then she later wrote me an email about how being sick like that makes her wish i was there. because, if nothing else, i could just lay down with her.

and being sick, like i am now, makes her want to be here so someone's making sure i'm taking care of myself.

and i want her to make sure im taking care of myself, too.

that's pretty much been me for the last five days.

work, sick, missing emily, cutting myself often, bleeding, lowering myself into something i really, really enjoy doing.

another guy, tonight, talked to me about promotions. about how quick and easy it is, if you do a good job and prove yourself.

and, yeah, i really really kind of wish maybe that perhaps i can do a good job and work hard here for a year and then maybe they'll open a branch in arizona and i can go there. maybe. you know. whatever.

and now i go.