frankly, honestly, truthfully, from the heart.

i'm lonely.

and it eats away, sometimes.

you stay up too late, watch something on tv, and its just triggered.

you can't ever really decide if sleep's a good thing or not.

i can't tell if i just want to curl up under my comforter, under my quilt, and sleep.

i can't tell if i just want to get up and walk away. walk out of here. drive. put distance between everything familiar.

and i don't talk to many people. i don't tell many people things that are going on. i don't have many anchors.

and so maybe i grab hold of those people who are my anchor too tightly.

maybe i want them to stay there so badly so that i don't leave.

so that i have a reason for staying.

for staying here.

for staying awake.

for living life in all of its stupid brightness.

and i hate feeling this.

but that's known, isnt it?

known, understood.

a given.