it was kim.

i became really worried. the only time she's ever called me that late is because she's been in trouble.

she was having a little bit of a panic attack. i talked to her, calmed her down, got her some information she needed.

at 845 she was going somewhere. lost the name of the person she was going to meet, lost where she was supposed to meet them.

i found it for her.

asked her if she wanted company on the trip.

it was an hour away and all.

she said yes but felt bad about asking me. i told her it was no problem.

so i went with her.

came back.

then. ah then.

around 6 last night i met up with emily.

watched dirty dancing to prove a bet. i was right, and i said "ha, i told you i know my dirty dancing!" to kristen.

and then i spent the night with emily.

and it was great.

im holding myself back, though. i know i am.

i want to say hey, i love you. but im not going to, not for a little bit.

because she leaves in august and there's nothing i can do after that.

except let her go.

so instead i spend the night with her and swell inside and feel all these colors and she puts her head on my shoulder and scratches my back with her fingernails and i kiss her.

and i kiss her hoping she can tell and feel everything i want to say to her that way.

i need to shower and eat.