i wanted emily in front of me, alone, so i could sit her down and say promise me this. promise me this and this and this and mainly just promise me you won't hurt me.

anyone who's talked to me about emily, they've all told me they don't want to see her hurt.

secretly, i am scared to death that she'll hurt me.

i know there will be pain, eventually.

i know that it will damn well be worth it.

it doesn't stop me from being scared, though.

from what i know of emily, and from what i feel about her and from her, i feel good and safe and secure.

i can trust her with my heart, as it were.

but i'm so afraid of hearing i dont see anyone making me as happy as you make me again. and believing it, again.

and hearing that but. again.

but i need to date other people.

but i need time and space.

but i need for my mom to like me, even though she's had my entire life to be there for me and hasnt.

but if this was different and if that were different.

i can't hear i'm in love with you without feeling that maybe behind it there's the thought of but being in love isnt enough.

i am terrified of that.

but only secretly.

i know im going to have to trust someone, some day, when they say it.

i'm going to have to trust them that i'm good enough, in their eyes.

i'm just so afraid of falling short again.

ah me.

late night confessions are never good for the soul, are they?