i took emily to this ball park near the start of the country and we laid on a blanket and watched the stars.

i wanted to play this one safe. cool and detached. give it so much time that by the time it developed to where i was smitten and falling hard, she was leaving.

it's not playing out that way. not at all.

told her, tonight, finally, after keeping it bottled in, too long, that she's beautiful.

she doesnt think she is. of course. they never do.

she told me not to say that. i asked her why, and she said just cause.

i told her no. because she knows i don't take "cause" as an answer.

she said that this was a just cause time.

i said no.

i know that she doesnt think so. that she thinks she's overweight and gross and all this other nonsense.

i made her look me in the eyes. i held her chin to keep her steady. said it slowly and clearly. told her that i think she's beautiful. that i like her. all of her.

and she believed me.

believes me.

her smile is wide and it makes me want to kiss her.

also she smells good, which is a major plus with me.

and she likes my hair. she says it is soft, smells good, and wooshes like a shampoo commercial.

i probably wont get to see her again until sunday. after that, it wont be again until... june 2, if then.

ah man. im falling too hard too fast.

now i sleep.