to imagine myself trusting someone so much that i'm at the point of saying okay, let's do it. let's commit our entire lives to each other. let's say that i can actually completely trust you.

i can trust that one day you won't wake up with doubts.

i can trust that one day you won't be tempted by someone else.

i can trust that if i'm in a horribly disfiguring car wreck, that you will still be there. and that when you look into my eyes (or eye, if the case may be), that i'll know you're seeing me as the way i want to be, for you.

and i dont think i can trust anyone that much.

i'm a fool, you know? and as such, i do know that once im committed to someone, i'm there.

and i'll fight through anything and everything to be there for them.

that's who i am. i live in a fantasy world where there are few things that should matter: goodness. love. happiness. and so i believe that if i've got love, if i'm happy, then the whole future will be fine.

but i don't know if i can ever trust someone to believe in that with me.

late at night, laying next to her in bed, will i ever get to the point where i won't wonder will you love me the same as today?

will i make you as happy as i did today?

will i be good enough tomorrow?

and i dont think i will be good enough tomorrow.

there will come a tomorrow where all my flaws are revealed.

and so it seems easier not to marry anyone. not to make that kind of commitment, when tomorrow is always there.

and it seems a lot to ask of someone. to ask them to let me trust them from this day on out.

one day maybe things will be different. but i dont know.

i think i'll always hesitate, slightly. as much as i dont want to, it's the only way to be safe.