we talked for two hours, in the back end of a parking lot. her in her car, me standing next to her car, short sleeves exposing my arm, making goosebumps arrive and chills begin.

i got her to laugh, which was good.

she's worried. as she should be. she got herself in some damn serious trouble.

but she's my friend. and her closest friends have already turned away from her. they're running, or refuse to talk to her.

she is surprised i don't hate her.

i don't.

i'm incredibly disappointed in her.

but i'm, on the same hand, really proud of her for trying to right everything she's done.

we finally separated. about an hour later she called me, freaking out. i got her to calm down, and i promised to help her out, if she needed it.

my biggest fear, at this point, is that someone will take the money from her. if that happens, she won't be good, and there's not much more i can do. not much more i can do that she'll allow me to do, at least.

she thanked me for talking with her and hung up again.

then she called me, about two hours later. she said her last chunk of money, the money she was counting on to make her even, doesnt look like it'll be coming in.

it was eight hundred dollars.

she thinks she can get five hundred dollars, and asked if i could get the other three hundred.

i told her yes.

then got out of bed, put on some shoes, and drove an hour.

i'm now sitting in my parent's den.

i'm trying to figure out how to ask them for 250 dollars.

i've never asked them for money. at least, nothing over twenty dollars.

never 250.

and i really dont think they won't give it to me.

it's the whole explaining why i need it that has me worried.

i really hope that i can just say i need 250 and let that be done with. but i know they won't take that, and it's not fair to just leave it at that.

not only have i completely wiped myself out believing in her heart, but i've also got myself 1000 dollars in debt.

soon, hopefully. 1250 dollars in debt.

this wouldnt be much of a problem except i get paid shit, and this is going to take me a long time to bounce back from.

but it all fucking comes down to whether or not you believe in someone even after they do something completely stupid. and if you really believe in them, how much are you willing to invest before you decide enough is enough?

my fingernails are dirty, im sleep deprived, tomorrow was going to be a long day to begin with, my heart's hurting, and i'm about to humble myself to a degree i never have.

and so she better understand i'm betting she's worth this, and a whole lot more.

and i'm betting that she'll make it through this and go back to school and get herself a good job and make me damn proud of her.

i've had a lot of things, recently, come back and burn me on the ass.

right now i'm standing over a huge flame.