it wasnt racist, homophobic, hateful, hurtful. it didnt need to be censored at all.

it was directed towards me.

and the thing is, im not even entirely sure she meant it.

but i'm pretty sure she did.

and i dont know if she even knows how much it hurt.

but i'm pretty sure she doese.

and i want to say hey, that was some shitty stuff you said monday.

but i don't know how to bring it up or when to bring it up or what have you.

it's just... most of my life i've lived with the idea that i'm not good enough.

that i can't reach that goal that everyone wants me to be.

that i fall short every time.

and it keeps happening.

it makes me want to not put my heart into anything.

because, lord knows, i never put as much as my heart into anything as much as i did with being with kim.

but i fell incredibly short with her, too.

so i think i'm going to stop.

i'm tired of disappointing.