came to a realization last night. or, i didn't come to it so much as it finally sank in that i've got to believe.

sometime you've just got to go on faith.

i've never had immense faith. not in much of anything, at least.

i dont have faith in myself, least of all.

but i've got this picture in my head of who i want to be.

i want to be this strong, unbending, wild, tender, supportive, caring, trusting, openhearted, laughing soul.

i want to understand a lot of things, and not just surface like, but in depth.

i want to write.

but i fall short of it all.

im not that strong. i give in more than i stand straight.

but still, still, beyond it all, and hopefully not in spite of it all, she still loves me.

she still smiles differently when i make her happy.

she still hugs me.

but there always comes a point when you... ah, no. when i begin to wonder.

and i wonder too much sometimes.

it all comes back to faith.