there are a lot of things i lack.

self confidence being one of them.

and im stubborn to the point of stupid. always have been, always will be.

but that doesnt matter to what my story is today.

mainly because i dont know what my story is today.

perhaps my story is of my room mate's cat, who has finally gotten the courage to explore my room. the vast cave of unexploited shadows that it is.

i need to have deep smells, deep dark smells that remind you of a wet garden soil. the kind you just sink into, heels first.

i want to be wrapped up in warmth. in your warmth.

i want to kiss your lips and feel you respond in kind.

my grandma leaves tomorrow. shes going to florida with her boyfriend. her boyfriend who is not, nor will ever be, my grandfather.

and im trying to not let that come inbetween me and liking him. but it's hard.

my grandfather made jokes. my grandfather made the very young nurses at his hospital laugh with their eyes.

this man might be good at heart, yes.

but he's not memories. he's not the man who i never once doubted love me.

the cat is looking at the window. standing up to look at the sill.