i'm wearing pajamas. i've worn them all day. i went to work in pajamas. they are comfortable and make me feel, as i walk through the cold, that i will eventually find my way home, to a warm bed, to tiny marshmallows floating, to her.

my left arm is becoming her domain. i wear her watch, proudly displaying tinkerbell on a wrist that used to be bigger from the 13 odd years of playing ball.

saturday night she gave me this bracelet from a collection she wears.

and also i wear a bracelet she made for my half birthday in november.

i jingle and jangle as i walk, and not many people have asked me why my left wrist is covered.

i guess if you see a kid walking towards you wearing cow pajamas and a smile, you don't bother asking why there's a fairy.

i saw in her eyes saturday night that something wasn't right, and so i asked her what was up. she said nothing, then asked me why. so i told her her eyes. they looked like something was off in her.

i've seen her cry too many times before, and her eyes held that watery about to release it look.

i didn't want to make her cry again.

i sat there, with her, being torn between asking her what she was thinking about, it letting it slide.

last night she told me what had been on her mind. and that she really wanted me to not push it.

not saturday night.

she wore this dress, saturday.

tight and with thin straps cupping her shoulders.

and as i kissed down her neck and across her collarbone, she let me slide my fingers under that strap, she let me push it across her shoulder, so it rested against her arm.

she's so clear. so beautiful and it hurts me. i'm so damn lucky and the thing about it is, she doesn't realize she could have better than me.

and so i'm working to be better than me. so that, in case one day she wakes up, she'll know im pushing.

i've got go now. hold a meeting and all. in my super fun club house for special people.

yall have a good day. smile once or twice.