you start thinking about soulmates, about loves of your life, about the one. your mind changes and is changing and will change and the only way to know for sure is to see your life twenty years from now.

defensive mechanism: oh, no, there's no such thing as soul mates.

defensive mechanism: i love her, yes, but i dont know.

defensive mechanism, this, that, the other. you dont want to believe, you want to, you're afraid.

maybe its only because of this. maybe next month she'll think it's not worth it.

maybe next month.

but its today.

today today today.

and there are lawn mowers and car alarms and so much space out there, and i wonder how many people are between her and i. how many hearts are thumping, right now, thudding, moving blood around, separating her and me.

how many heartbeats. how many ten toes, how many different dreams.

god parted the red sea, so i've been told. god parted the red sea.

he does it again and again. parts the people, moves them behind us, until it is just her heart, my heart.