outside, i dont know what it was, a helicopter, a lawn mower, a car stereo, i dont know, but it was there. and it was making this loud rhythmic thumping sound.

thathump. thathump. thathump.

maybe it was because of the night before, maybe it was because i really heard it that way, but it sound like a heart.

and i started thinking it was the earth's heart, or god's heart, or some really good spirt's heart.

and it was surrounding me, wrapping me up, hugging me.

and as bad as things get soon, as rough as they'll be for who knows how long, i didnt think about that right then.

i just thought how nice that would be. if it really was the heart of something so much greater than me.

something embracing me so tightly that my ear was pressed into its chest, and there it was. the steady comforting beat telling me that i was good.

that i was loved. am loved. are loved. will be loved.

every beat.

i have that, now. i have that, i have kim, i have good friends who are behind me, who approve even when parents doing, who will stand behind me. i have kim, who still loves me. who loves me still.

i will be ok.

we will be ok.