i knew it was getting harder for me, but i didn't realize that it was getting as equally hard for her. not until tonight, at least.

she told me that usually there was a small voice in her saying that she needed to get home.

none at all tonight.

at one point she completely forgot she had to go home.

when she is laying there, next to me, her head on my shoulder, tilted down, eyes closed, rubbing my belly through my shirt, i can really easily picture her doing that every night.

i can easily picture me wanting her to do that every night.

on a separate note:

i have decided to let my toenails grow out some. thus far, my left toes have good nails, and if they grow anymore i will clip them back to managable levels, but the right foot, alas, that is a problem foot.

it has pretty much no nail on any toe.

so it will be a trial of patience and will power not to go to hell with it and clip my toenails all off, just to feel symmetrical.

i have this thing, i need to feel symmetrical.

tuesday jen painted my right pinkie this metallic purple color because she wanted to see what it looked like and im pretty damn agreeable sometimes.

then all wednesday i kept catching my hands out of the corner of my eyes or right there in front of my view and it made me feel like i was going to tip over from being too heavy on my right side as if i was some kind of crazy cartoon.

so wednesday night sheryl painted my left pinkie the same color. so that evened me out.

but today in the shower the nailpolish kind of slipped off, i think. so i'm back to my right pinkie being painted.

and kim kept looking at it and laughing.

which made me smile.

because she laughed.