not that she doesn't love me, not that she doesn't want me with her, nothing like that.

not that i dont love her, not that i dont want to be with her, nothing like that, either.

i doubt that im good for her. that, twenty years down the road, if we're not together still, if we're not even friends, how she will explain me. if she would explain me.

if her kids ever found out she dated me, if she would brush it off, or say yeah. yeah, i dated crayon.

if she'll look back at this period of her life as a good period.

i worry that im not messing her up, not breaking her, not hurting her, not harming.

im so afraid of that.

so afraid of her looking back at me as a mistake.