driving home, from work, today, i thought of having you in the car, next to me.

i wanted to feel your hand on the back of my neck as i drove.

your fingers playing in my hair.

your thumb running up and down, tracing a path up to my ear, then gliding down.

i wanted to feel your pinkie sneak beneath the collar of my shirt.

if we sat down together, next to each other, on a bench somewhere, would you wait for my arm to lift, so you could move into my side?

and would you let me move you in closer?

right now you are not sleeping in my room. you are not near me, i don't hear your voice.

one night it wont be like this.

we will be barefoot.

you will lock the front door, and i will trail behind you.

my hands on your waist.

my head on your shoulder.

walking with my feet on either side of yours. making our progress slow.

and clumsy.

you will lead us into the bedroom. which is where i will break contact for the first time. to be first on the bed.

and i will be smiling. maybe you will understand why, maybe you wont.

but ill know why.

itll be because i remember this night.

when you weren't sleeping in my room, when you were not near me, when i didnt hear your voice.