"smoother skin than most she was and beautiful and just because i thought id be a doomsday gift i placed the rift. i was calloused first and caviler dropping verse she could hear the sad refrain-ain-ain."

ive always been a fumbler. in my mind, at least. and with my hands, most of the time. i could never be a surgeon or work with delicate objects.

like glass baby kittens.

i dont have much grace. my coordination is pretty good, except for everything out of eye-hand area.

eye-feet, for example, tends to suck.

which is another reason i couldnt work with glass baby kittens.

yeah, i didnt understand that either. but we'll move on.

the thing of it all is.

being with you makes me think i could change all that. somehow.

that, easily, my hands would become stronger and steadier.

that i would become surer.

that i wouldnt walk with the gait that i do. that, seeing you across the room, that having you as my goal to reach, would instantly make my shoulders react.

make me effortlessly flow across the room. around obstacles and people. over glass baby kittens, if necessary.

this doesnt mean that if i ever get the chance to touch you, which i never think i will, but if i ever get the chance to touch you, and as much as i think you make me strong, steady, sure, this doesnt mean that my hand wont be shaking.

held an inch above your bare stomach, covered in those soft hairs, i can see my fingers twitching. itching. to touch you.

touching you, direct contact with you, would steady me. from the palm up.

palm to elbow. elbow to shoulder. shoulder to heart.

everything. strong. steady. sure.