we talked last night. the girl and i.

maybe stars and i talked, too. but if so, it was on a level i am not yet aware of.

i tell her that i dont want to do anything to push her even further away. she tells me i havent pushed her away, that anything i do can't push her away.

we talked.

she tells me it is not my fault. i say in part it is.

it goes unsaid that it is in part my fault because i did not fight the way i should have fought for her. i should have, at the beginning, said hey. dont do this to us. but i didnt. i sat back quietly.

figuring she knew what she was doing, and that she wanted to pull away from me.

i was wrong.

i say in part it is. she says well.

we talked.

i asked her if i was doing her any good right now.

she said yes. she said she lives for my emails.

i said really. she said yeah.

i told her that it feels right, at the end of the day, writing to her. and she said that it feels complete, reading them.

we talked, but then we stopped. because she was tired and was falling asleep. she hated stopping, but i told her i was always here.

which is so damn true.

and she said i know. and left.

after goodbyes.

today.

today i took my sister and three neighbor kids to see atlantis. second time ive seen it, first for them.

the kids amuse the hell out of me. at one point, during the movie, the youngest kid just started counting. he counted to a hundred one time.

i was laughing.

then i took them out to eat.

then i took them back to their house.

sometimes, like today, i can see myself with kids.

spending a wednesday afternoon at a movie theatre with one.

i also had a slush puppy today because slush puppies are good things.

then i came home and cooked dinner.

yup, i cooked. it was good, too.

oh, oh, oh, hey. i went outside last night, for a little bit.

on my way back in, i stepped on a slug. barefoot.

quite the experience.