and it was hot and humid, as it gets in the south.

i walked past the post office. a man had just finished mowing the strips along the front of the building and there was a smell of warmed concrete and freshly mowed grass.

i walked up the hill and into the store. bought a magazine because it had an article about chimp television (the article was good, by the way, but far too short and did not include enough photos.) and a drink.

the girl who rung me up is a year old than i am. we went to high school together, had the same art class one year.

i miss painting, sometimes. i am no good at it, but i miss looking at something and breaking it down. layering colors over colors, finding the right mixture, and how there might be green here or there.

i do it sometimes. looking out at the sunset one night after work, i did it. broke the colors down.

i came back to work. walked past the post office again. smell stronger. brings a happy feeling into the stomach.

walked in, put my drink up, my uniform back on, clocked in.

there are moments within each day, if i remind myself to look for them. that walk, that was one.

driving back to work, to ask for tomorrow off, was one, too.

it was late, dark on the streets, and there must have been glass broken and grinded into the lane just past the intersection. the headlights caught it as i coasted down the hill.

little lights lit within the pavement, capturing and throwing it back, fireflies caught or christmas lights still turned on.

we watch the days go by, the sun go down, nights come and go with fear or with peace, and there is no stopping. no way to catch these moments and give them to you.

my biggest regret in my life will be that. that you are there and i am here and all this space is between us, willingly between us (because if you asked, i would be there tomorrow. and forever.), and i can smell the post office and see the lights in the pavement, but i cant give that to you.

i can try all i want, and maybe for a second you have it.

then it is gone.

and the space remains.