now it is tilted and i hope draining or drying or working magic, so that i can turn it on and not have anything explode or make loud beeping noises at me.

but it probably will make loud beeping noises at me.

so tomorrow, after the first stretch of work, i will take it to the computer place.

and walk out feeling like a big ass, because, yeah, i spilled something on my laptop.

i woke up, this morning, not feeling peachy.

which is a lie, because i didnt wake up this morning. i woke up around 12, which is probably afternoon, right?

right.

but, yeah, it was bad. no puking or weird bodily releases, i just hummed inside all day.

felt tired and hummed inside all day.

i tried going back to sleep. it worked, after a little bit, because i didnt fight. i woke up, four hours later, to an order telling me i had to eat.

which, i think is a lie, too. i think i woke up before the order. yeah. i did.

i got up, because i knew it would be stupid of me not to eat.

and i ate.

and it helped, a little. got the blood moving and my thoughts focused.

then i laid back down. got back up, straightened a little. back down. got back up, to straighten more. back down. got back up, to answer a phone call.

talked about thirty minutes. not to kat. not to anyone like that. a stranger.

i talked to a stranger for thirty minutes.

then i was back down. got back up, went to kfc, which was closed, went to arbys, which wasnt, and ate.

then i spilled something on my laptop.

now the girl is talking to me about someone who asked her out.

now i am hardly humming inside. which is a good thing. but i am afraid of waking up humming again, tomorrow.

tomorrow i will work early. i will be around a bunch of little kids. then i will leave, take my laptop to the computer place. then i will go back home for a bit, then back to work.

i wish i could curl up, every now and then, and sleep for a week. within that sleep of a week i would dream, and in my dreams solutions would present themselves or words and phrases and clauses and such would string themselves together and i would know. but only in my dream.

and i would wake up, again. having missed a week of laughter, of frustration, of the girl, of you. but i would remember the dreams, and maybe by remembering i would be able to figure stuff out, in waking.

and in waking up, i would have stored within me a week of sleep, and could go full out for a brief period. maybe only three days, yes, and then i would have to sleep again each night.

but to live for every moment for three days, to live and see the day change to night to day and once more, to just be able to lay somewhere for three days straight and see the clouds pass or the storm move in and out, to trace the path of the stars.

all while figuring things out.

sometimes it seems worth it.