we'll see tomorrow morning.

its a big sad ploy to see her reaction, and i'm partly afraid her reaction will be bad.

HOWEVER, if it is bad, that means there was, or is, something on her side of this ball game, and if there is, then it'll give me an opening to talk about it.

which i want to, sort of. kind of.

i dont know.

i know i couldnt be with her. yes. but i want her to know i'm not really liking this used vibe that gets tossed in my direction every once and a while.

moving on.

i bought a kite today.

because i have been wanting to fly a kite for a while now.

at least a month.

and i havent wanted to fly a kite in years.

so tomorrow, if i have time, i'm going to fly a kite.

im really excited about this yo.

wee.

heh.

what else about today.

oh, today jennifer got dressed up in her old prom dress, because of something at her church, and i saw her.

she has this underlying beauty to her that just jumps out and bites me when i least except it.

earlier today i had walked in and sat down with her in this darkened room, it was quiet, she was still in her pajamas, and i couldnt take my eyes off of her.

and it's not that i'm attracted to her, because i'm not, not really. it's more like... we've got a history between us, not a history history, but a history nonetheless, and i'm only now really bonding with her like i should be, and i look at her, now, and i'm filled with this sense of pride and protectiveness and a warm fuzzy.

then she got all dressed up and was just painful to look at.

good painful.

best kind of painful.

i talked to the friend, again, tonight, and, once again, she said something about how i had a chance with her, but i missed it. and that if she wasnt tied down, happily tied down, i would still have a chance.

good for the ego that is.

something else i wanted to talk about.

oh oh oh, i am such a cheese ball, a ham, an ass. alright, a few of us were at walmart and jennifer was riding in the cart. she was told to get out, so that they could put the stuff down to get rung up, she said no, they asked if she was going to get rung up too, if she had a barcode on her, and she said yes, she said it was tattooed on her bum, and i was quiet for a moment, then said i dont believe that!

they said what?

that she has a barcode tattooed on her. because if she has a barcode that means she has a price and we all know jennifer is priceless.

aww.

i think i sort of frightened or amused or some such the lady in line behind us, i kept talking and pushing it, and more or less being myself. which is odd if you dont know me.

but it was midnight, so yeah. i made her night.

heh.

alright, im going to go to sleep so i can wake up on time so ill actually get dressed.