cause it is late and im in mild pain (physical) and coming down from a high off making people really laugh.

woo.

so, yes, soul mates.

i have this view where there are multiple soul mates for a person.

i think the girl's a soul mate of mine, although i really hesitate to call her that because...

well, the same reason i dont like to call someone my friend until i know they consider me a friend, too.

i hate assuming that the feelings mutual, i guess.

and although weve talked about soul mates a lot of times, we've never called one or the other a soul mate.

but thats the best way i could describe her. she fills out a space in me that no one else came close to even covering.

the point is, a soul mate can be someone you're not meant to spend all of your life with.

hell, a soul mate can be someone you're supposed to only meet once.

so what is a soul mate?

best i can figure, it's someone who impacts your life in subtle and not so subtle ways. someone you're supposed to meet, if only for a split second.

now about this business of spending the rest of your life with one person?

do i believe in love at first sight?

no, maybe you should walk by again.

HA. woo.

no.

there's only been... no, i take that back. there's only been two women in my life i've seen for the first time and just felt my whole world drop out from under me.

one, yeah, was the girl.

the other one we dont talk about because we dont ever see her, except once a year, usually on my birthday.

but yeah.

i digress, no?

the one person/partner idea...

my grandparents were married 44, some odd, years. my other grandparents have been married longer than that. maybe even over 50, i need to check on that. my parents are topping 25.

so, yes, i believe in a long lasting relationship.

i believe, or at least hope, that when i marry it will be for everything, for the good, the bad, the ugly, the fights, the depressions, the anger, the children, the blissful quiet sunday mornings in bed.

everything.

le crayon the wistful romantic eh? bite me.

heh.

no, i dont mean that. the whole bite me part.

cause, you see, i cant be tied down to a girl who wants me tied up.

ha, woo, no, thats bloodhound gang for you.

i digress yet again.

i imagine that when the... long lasting girl, the gobstopper of girls, when she of shes comes along, i wont know for a while.

i dont think it'll be love at first sight. or second.

i think it will be a gradual acknowledgement of this special person in my life. and one day i will be walking somewhere and realize she is not with me, that she is out of the state travelling or down the block working and i will wonder how i'm managing to be walking anywhere without her there.

i will be watching something funny on tv and listen for her laugh and it wont be there and ill be confused as to why it's not.

and i dont think i'll be able to pinpoint the moment i fell in love with her.

then again, i might.

it might be the time she chipped a tooth on old halloween candy. or it might be the time she heard me sing and laughed her ass off.

i dont know.

i dont want to know what will happen with the whole love thing.

i take that back. i would like to know if it does happen in my life.

but other than that, i dont want to know anything.

i just want it to happen, i want to experience it all, i want to lose all feeling in it.

what a long rambly thing which i did not intend at all.

but, yo, the point is:

soul mates: multiple.

long lasting monogamous relationship: firmly believed in, hesitatingly hopeful for.

soon: no, im not in the right spot for a serious one. im too young and too fucked up.

sleep: now.