this made me chuckle.

because, deep down, im more bitter than i think a lot of people catch on to.

i dont show it because i dont believe in it.

i dont believe in the shitty things in life.

which is odd to say, if i dont explain it through.

ive seen young kids die. ive seen old loved ones die. ive seen attempted suicides. ive seen people lose their religion, and find it again. ive seen people become the things theyve never said they would be. ive seen pets die. hell, ive held dying pets in my arms. ive seen women miscarry.

theres more. theres always more.

and its not that i dont believe in all of that. i do. theres absolutely no way to not believe in that, once youve lived through it, or been truly connected with it.

what i dont believe in is that that is all of life.

i refuse to believe that.

when i drive through the country and see land so beautiful it hurts, when i make a little kid laugh, when i make a little kid trust me so much they have no doubts about jumping off a bleacher so i'll catch them, when i hear her laugh, theres more.

music. art. poetry. fingers and breath and the stars and everything shows me theres more.

there are times i falter. and the bitterness shows.

but i move on.

i hate things about life, yes.

but i hate judging things by the worst.

maybe the glass is half empty. maybe im blind. maybe im missing a huge piece of the picture and im young and immature and just dont GET it.

then again, im going to look at what liquid i have left in my glass and just be thankful ive got that much.

the memories may be good, may be bad. but theyre memories. they sustain me, they remind me, they move me forward to now.

but they're not now.

and now's not so bad.