but i'm doing it right now.

emokidz, here:

if i could take your hand, i would.

twine your fingers with mine and lead you outside.

i know exactly where i would go with you.

the little depression carved into the earth. the beginning of an amphitheater, they say. yet, as it sits, it's a grassy clearing surrounded by a round stone wall.

i would lead you there. to the middle of it.

and i would lay with you there.

let you rest your head on my stomach as we looked up at the sky.

we wouldnt talk for the first. just lay there, looking at the stars together.

maybe then i would begin to speak.

when it gets to be too much, when it sits inside me and weighs me down and i cant find the words to express it all...

the loneliness, the unease, the confusion...

this is where i go. outside. i go where i can feel the wind against me.

where i can look up and listen and just be.

that little piece of the world, that little piece of time, that is what i carry inside me.

when it sits inside me, pools up till im so heavy i cant move, i close my eyes.

i feel the grass under my back, the wind on my arms, the smell of honeysuckle or whatever tints the air at that moment.

and its not so bad then.

and if i could give you any gift, i would give you that. that feeling, that peace.

and i would make it so you wouldnt have to find the peace through the numbness.

so much beauty to be had in life. you cant take it all in if youre numb.