at the end i was sitting in front of the class, at this long table, with the teachers and next to me was this woman.

yeah i was attracted to her.

i can remember the way her hands looked. so small and fragile.

and i wanted to ask her to dinner, but i couldn't.

so we graduated from that course, and we're about to do this other course where, somehow, they took away all of our senses except touch. touch they amplified. and they took away most of our mind.

well, they didn't take it away, they just made it so we couldnt use it.

then they put us in cages. after that they would put things against us, different things, to see how we would react.

the point of it all, for those in the cages, was to realize that there's a thin line between recognizing something and being comforted or being freaked out.

awake i'm a very tactile person. i like eating with my hands, feeling things run between my fingers, feeling the texture under my fingertips.

the girl wrote me an email. she said a lot.

right now im going to focus on her abandonment thing.

i don't know if she's felt like im leaving her or not. yeah, there were moments where i felt like just dropping everything and waiting for her to make a move.

i'm so damn glad i didnt.

and now i know not to. even if she's sort of acting like that's what she wants.

she acts that way so if something did happen, and i did stop talking to her, it would be her choice.

yeah.

and i still need to shower and everything.