sleepy. yes. and something deeper than that that i only let out late at night.

late at night to shine up at me and show me the truth.

and i become tired.

weary.

to share this with the world, i made a decision today:

i decided i would rather be attacked by an alligator as opposed to a bear.

im cold. all ive got on is this thin tshirt and i feel the cold pressing my back like a wide hand.

i really need some thick sleeping tops.

or i just need to walk around wrapped in a big blanket.

yes.

im coming down with something yo. but ill get over it, cause i cant afford to be sick. and others cant afford for me to be sick.

i think it surprises people, sometimes, when they realize that i do have this bitter streak coursing through me.

but, yeah. things happen in a young crayons life. but you dont dwell on it, cause then the hand just presses down harder and the bed looks even more pleasant.

my sister has a boyfriend yo. ive never met him. i might not meet him for a while. this bugs me. i need to approve him, you know.

im one prideful ass yo. i forget and then am instantly reminded of it.

ooh oh oh. yeah. this night i asked out an old recently married friend of mine i havent seen in months. said yo could we get together, maybe with the old group, if nothing else just one on one.

cause i worry about the kid.

and she said she'd have to ask her husband.

which caught my attention.

so i asked why.

and she said she's not going to cheat on her husband.

and that just had be reelin backwards.

for one i have never EVER been attracted to her. for two i am so completely against being with anyone in any kind of committed relationship. and for three she's my friend.

and so im really confused right now. and im really worried.

cause if she knew, like FULLY knew who she was talking to, that would have never even been a thought.

so something was off.

and i worry.

i get protective, you see.

she said you could bare to live with me, but what about someone else.

and i just sat quiet not saying whoever lived with you would be damn lucky. i just sat and said im not unique in being able bare living with you.

and it just slipped through the fingers and the conversation moved on.

at work sometime in the morning i made a lady do some heavy laughing. her name is serena.

yeah. this isnt working tonight. i need to just get really sick for about an hour and sleep through it and wake up being myself.