the explusion of my wrongs. the sharing of the good things. asking for forgiveness. asking for their happiness.

saying some of the not so obvious things. and letting some of the not so obvious things go because we both know them already.

and when i miss that silent moment, when i miss that brief pause, my day feels off balance.

and when i miss it because i choose to, i feel like im purposely hurting you.

it doesnt matter that when i miss it because i choose to im feeling the sting as well.

so, even though there's that nearly unspeakable part of me that waits for night, that waits for that moment i bow in front of you, humble myself in front of you, expose myself in front of you, that waits headed bent eyes to the floor for you to brush my cheek or say you understand or say i still love you above and beyond and maybe even below all this, even though theres that part of me i hesitate.

i hesitate thinking maybe if im quiet for a night the silence will vibrate and a piece will tumble down from you.

but i only hesitate.

yet, even within that hesitation theres my downfall, isnt there?

ah me.

and things would be so much easier if we just talked. eye to eye. no one on a pedistal.

onto other things.

i spent four hours working. four solid hours. hard hours. and im not talking work work. im talking WORK.

and im still not done.

so tomorrow im looking at two hours of that work, and two extra hours of other work. woohoo. im growing up and maturing and such.

and to refute that statement i will be completely stupid in the next statement.

sweet and sour chicken rocks.

ok, thats not stupid, but its true. cause im eating it. and im loving it.

i can sort of see how women dancing in high heels is sexy to other people and such, but whenever i see a woman dancing in high heels all i can think is "that's just an ankle break waiting to happen."

yes. indeed.