in the cars where i do a lot of my best thinking.

when i was little, in the car, i would get lost in numbers. multiplying them out, manipulating them. i loved numbers.

i remember the first time i could tell time.

ive only had motion sickness once. i was maybe... 7 at the time. had spent the afternoon laying on my belly on a swing, and being spun around and around and around by my sisters. made them stop, at one point, cause it was a bit too much.

then we left, got in the car, drove to the gas station. and something about the drive and the spinning got to me.

so i said hey i need to go to a bathroom.

and the mom said hey cant you wait until we get home.

we were five minutes from home.

i said hey i think i can. ok.

we say hey a lot in this famiy.

and then i proceded to puke all over the floor of the back of the car.

i figured it was better than on the seat.

i think im drawn to didos music because of the life she led before the music.

i know im drawn to it cause of that.

some people wrote down positive and negative aspects of me. i shall now share the editted verision with you, positive first:

mesh well with a large group of people, have a cute smile (well, yeah, you know), can get along with anyone , still has a good time no matter what, very nice singer (a bunch of crap. i couldnt carry a tune if it was water and i had a bucket).

dont express opinion loud enough, not around enough (i've got to work two jobs yo. among other things. i like circulatin. but yeah.), share what you like to do, talk to people on a personal level, and has trouble drooling (yeah, no, same person wrote the last ones for both. hence the results.)

so, yes, that's me yo. friendly, fun lovin, happy, quiet, distant.

cant freakin believe how late it is. and its not even late. its just im lacking on sleep and blah blah blah.

ive got to call becca. i need to write that big, across my hand, on my belly and my foot and my upper lip. ive got to call her, see if shes in. shes in, i know she is. and i need to call her. need to call her. make plans for... dammit.

not thursday. friday... maybe. saturday. but saturday ive got plans with other friends.

but, to tell the truth and show what a great friend i am, i would back out of that commitment for becca. i havent seen her since may yall.

if i dont see the kid im just... im gonna have to cry.

heh.

well. nah, i wouldnt cry. i'd just focus on christmas, cause she'll be back for christmas and ill be damn if i let another month pass by when shes not that far from me.

group of us went out to see some lights tonight. i was fine, but worried bout the loss of blood, and i was alright, until we kept on walking around. then i just ached. so i drank a lot of water, and felt better.

damn, now i wanna call becca right now and talk to her. but thats not gonna happen.

can anyone else tell that tomorrow will be pure and utter torture for me?

then they convinced me to stick around and watch x-men with em. short movie yo.

i really should take a shower.

alright, ill take a shower. after i write a few more things.

so i shall now leave to finish things and take a shower and sleep and kill the day until i can call. call call call.

yeah man. im a big sap, but god damn, i miss the becca. shes got one of the greatest smiles ever, and i miss making her smile.

so somehow im going to have to contact her. and at least hear her smile you know.