maybe its because im so aware of how close monday truly is, and how close those monday obligations are.

i try to run, hide, from those. try to pretend that the minutes arent moving, that soon i wont have to force myself to sit and finish this and that so i can sleep and then wake up prepared for work and all that other stuff.

i had a dream this morning. beautiful skin right there. smells, touches, tastes, all there.

all but the feeling.

so the dream changed.

the river.

karen.

a catfish giving birth.

and i woke up.

i tried some hot sauce yesterday. the people were impressed with me, with my apparent lack of reaction to their hottest available stuff. so they pulled out their unavailable stuff. much much hotter. called nucking futs.

put some on a tiny spoon, gave it to me.

ate it.

yeah, it was hot.

i have a cut on my finger. hurts.

ive never questioned my existence. ive questioned my expereinces. the fact that i know her.

how do i explain that other than damn good luck on my part. other than... last night it hit me all over again, walking down the path with her to the creek, riding in the car with her.

and i was stunned. because it actually happened. some unexplainable way it happened.

and im changed for it. and i dont think shes ever fully grasped it when i said that it stuns me that i know her.

make you smile when you realize a guy my size my take a while.

im getting yelled out yo. im getting frustrated. i dont know why. i got my sleep in.

damn.