it was, at one point, i was in such a good mood i thought i might throw up.

yeah, thats how young i am. i over feed myself and i laugh so hard and i feel so dizzy from the great things running around me that i think i might throw up.

and i laugh about it, too.

i talked to janna today, for a good long stretch. janna's 10.

she back talked to me, a lot, had me laughing. we split two pretzels.

our sisters play on the same team.

i'd look over at my dad once or twice and he would be laughing at me because this ten year old kid was picking on me, was holding my head down with her elbow and such.

i love her family.

then, at the end, before i left, i talked with jess. jess... i miss her. i miss making her laugh. i miss her making me laugh.

we talked a little bit after her game (she plays with my sister, too) and she was almost in tears and man.

so i got a laugh or two from her. and we were standing there, facing away from the field, i was waiting for her to leave because i had plenty of time to kill, and it got quiet.

so i pushed her and told her i missed her.

and she laughed. and said, softly because people had started flooding around, that she missed me.

then she left. so i left.

and put in a janis joplin tape.

and the flood of happiness that made me carry the music in my stomach, that made me feel like i was going to throw up, that made me dance in the car and in the drive way and up the stairs and back in the car was there. and was wonderful.

the stars are out tonight, out in full force.

and i miss jess. seeing her for maybe five minutes a week just doesnt cut it.

i miss a lot of people.

my grandpa looked good today. he was clear eyed and my grandma told me he walked more today then he had in two months.

my grandma looked tiny. she was in the closet looking for clothes for me because she worries you know, and the closet just dwarfed her.

i always expect people to stay around forever.

even after it all, i always expect that.

i had a dream with robyn in it. robyn's my cousin. she had a hair cut, in the dream.

i asked my dad, today, if they knew if her family was coming up from florida anytime soon. he said for christmas.

i miss robyn. she's the first kid off of my dad's side i remember really connecting with. she's the first one who told me a joke, you see.

im also damn proud of the kid. 1470 on her sats buddy.

time to do a little straightening up. and some work.

but ill probably just watch tv.

heh.

oh the life of a lazy crayon.