i saw joy today, for the first time in.... at least ten years.

maybe even... eleven years.

heh.

so. yes.

my grandpa came by his house today. he couldnt stay long. he couldnt go inside. he just sat on the patio, on the front sidewalk, and watched the yards. talked a little.

smoked.

it was like it used to be, with my two uncles and my grandfathers other son and my aunt and my mom just sittin there.

grandpa kept pointing out the squirrels.

i found out some things today. some things i dont know if i wanted to know. but i am glad i know.

he went back earlier than he couldve to the hospital. his back, stomach was hurting. his throat was hurting.

hes not doing well folks.

hes slowly weakening. hes given up.

i spent the day with my mom. think she needed it. think i needed it.

and now she knows, beyond doubt, to call me if anything happens to my grandpa.

i hadnt seen my aunt in a really long time. she was the one who fed me my first solid food (french fries). she's the one who helped me to change my view of myself.

love my aunt.

it was nice seeing her again. she can always make me laugh. always.

i cant believe shes a grandmother. three times over.

god damn we're all old.

and that is all for right now. later on ill have something more.

this i promise