thats what i want to do. i'd wait near forever. and i think you want me to wait.

you want me around.

but how am i sposed to wait?

ah.

saw my grandpa again today. he had me laughing damn hard, but he's been isolated.

an infection. he cant eat.

transfusion of blood didnt help.

he lost a little more weight.

i told him id see him again next weekend.

he said yeah.

but the yeah...

ah.

walked into my shower today and... the smell...

it was there, it was strong.

her smell. it attacked me the same way it attacked me the first time i smelled it.

and she hasnt been around in forever.

ah.

i bought new shoes today.

and damn, 159 for shoes?

just... damn.

but no, i didnt buy those shoes. i went around to three places, doing some bargain hunting you see.

saved ten bucks.

ah.

there was one point, today, where i was walking behind this little girl, maybe 8 years old. she was walking like she was dribbling a basketball between her legs. was really getting into it, too.

made me smile.

ah.

when does it just become silly?

and then when does it become stupid?

ah.

i want to talk to you badly. my days miss something if youre not there, talking to me, even if its just through email.

but, yes, i want you to sleep. to calm down. to laugh.

but...

but i want to be selfish, too.

ah.

the only way you know what color i am, through and through, is if you use me all up.

or if you break me in half.