i bristle and turn half away to hide the pain, anger, what have you, and with three words you can repair it all.

well, more than three, actually.

i miss you. i dont tell you enough.

and im happy. and im glad.

yeah, happy and glad are two different things.

sucker.

i read to myself, at night, out loud.

working on the voice, you see. working on how to read the poetry. working on how to read.

working on how to read to someone, you see.

yo, get this, its my time to brag on the sister:

i ate dinner at the parents tonight. but first i come downstairs to relax a bit. sister comes down shortly after.

wants to tell me something, you see.

she got a letter. from a college.

yeah yeah, that's not it. dont go rolling your eyes.

it was about softball.

seems like they might already be howdoyousay scouting her.

see me puff my chest out in pride.

she's 15, yo.

we, years ago, had a bad relationship.

based on multitude of stuff.

i was an asshole, mainly.

but now it's tight.

no triflin anymore.

heh.

no, yeah, it is good.

we have had some revealing conversations in the car.

having me as relations didnt help her much, growing up in school.

"oh, you're crayon's sister?"

i was good in school. or, not exactly good, but i could recall a damn lot easily.

i still can, but i turn it not so much to book facts these days as people fact. remembering them.

and the sister, she wasnt as good as me.

pressure. comparisons. the same such.

but she is smart, dont get me wrong.

and it did help to motivate her. she's now more active in sports then i ever was... and i was active, dont get me wrong there, either.

shes a better artist than i.

and i do love the kid and miss the kid when i watch tv. we had some days that were great, where we could just make fun of the tv and laugh our heads off. there were some days, anywhere, where we knew exactly how to play off each other to make fun of each other and make fun of the parents and get laughs all around.

she misses kate.

that was hard for her.

we dont talk about it. ever.

ah man, how this turned around, i do not know. so i shall end it.

no, actually, ill end it after this:

tonight, this late evening, i started singing a song. made up one, i hope:

"look up in the sky, beaver dan"