she was near tears the entire time we talked. that was, until she cried.

and it killed me.

and i had to leave all of a sudden so i didnt really get to finish the conversation with her, to ease her heart mind soul whatever.

so what do i do? i write an email.

there are few people i just... feel. few people im such a part of that i know im sometimes lighter because they're lifting with me, carrying my weight. and that i know id gladly break my back with under theirs. and few i would allow to live after getting the stupidest songs in the world stuck in my head.

i wish i could talk to her now, to apologize for leaving, to tell her i love her. because this is a great friendship i do have going, the best ive ever had, and there is and always will be that foundation of love between us.

and its that foundation which has helped me to build and grow and mature. and the thing is, if anyone was looking for a good reference for me, as a person, i would send them to her. shes got such a distorted view of the person i am, of the good ive done and will do, of the powers and charisma i have.

and i love her for making me believe in that, too.

man, i miss not having her drive me around in a car, or just be with me in a car. i miss her smile. i miss her height, her voice, her.

her.

i miss her.

and i wish she was happy.

man, im gonna sleep. gotta get up early. eh.