we'll leave it at that.

i just sneezed.

i just woke up.

not in that order.

i had a dream. i remembered it. at one point i was on a farm, not corn growing, but something like that, big and stalky, and i was knocking it down with my arms outstretched.

i feel that, though, more than i remember it.

even when books are falling apart, even when one page is across the room and a chunk is next to me, even then, i feel wrong throwing a book away.

i need to buy cupcakes today. before one pm.

argggghhhhhhh.

i need to do something, yall. go crazy running, be hit in the back by a little kid, lift something two times my own weight and tear a back muscle.

that, or i need to create, you know?

get my hands messy.

or make someone laugh.

ive got her phone number. i should call her. but... i dont know. ive sent some emails, and maybe it's sunk in by now, or maybe it hasnt, and i feel now its time to step back and let her show me how to move.

but as much as i feel like that is what i need to do, part of me wants to rush out there to the open and grab her hand and spin her to lookin in my eyes and for a brief moment have it complete and open between the two of us.

break me in one swift move. dont drag it out.

as for now i shall stand in front of my chair, the chair pressing into the back of my leg, my arms tight to my side, my fingers drumming on my leg.

and as for now i shall take a shower.

"where're you taking it?"

"florida!"

"hahaha"